I can't do it any more...

6:20AM: I can't do it any more... I woke up in the middle of the night absolutely starving and with a splitting headache. I thought that My blood sugar might be dangerously low and realized that if it was there was nothing I could do about it since I didn't have any glucose, or anything sugary to raise my blood sugar if it was. I couldn't sleep with the headache, so I got up and took my blood sugar level. At 12:11AM it was 116, so not dangerously low, actually what should be "normal". I layed back cown and tried to sleep, but couldn't with the hunger pangs and the headache. Finally around 12:30AM I remembered that there was an apple in my bag that I had taken along on the hikes that I hadn't eaten, so I got up and ate that. Didn't help any with the headache, but it eased the hunger pangs enough that I was able to eventually fall asleep.

Then this morning Holly got up early before the alarm, so when the alarm turned went off she turned it off and turned on the TV. I just couldn't come up with the energy to roll out of the covers. Holly whispered a few things that I couldn't hear over the TV and went to this mornings gym. I got up to pee and take my blood sugar (110) and decided to write this in the hope that it would wake me up. Instead, I'm still tired, hungry and have a splitting headache plus now feeling depressed. I've realized that in order to lose weight and get healthy, I'll never be able to feel full or enjoy a real meal again, and will have to constantly torture myself with exercise instead of being able to relax. If it was just me here, I think I would just pack up my stuff and go home, forget about all this health stuff. I never felt better or healthier in my life then just before they diagnosed me with diabetes. Since then, I've felt nothing but worse in the attempts to control it. I think I'm just going to go curl up in bed again and hope this headache will go away.

3:00PM: I managed to sleep most of the day away. I was meaing to get up for Aquacise, but managed to sleep through that class. Holly asked me if I wanted to go to lunch but I asked her to make sure I was awake for the 2:30 exercise class. I managed to get myself out of bed around 1:20 and took my blood sugar (99) when Holly came back from lunch carrying food and a message. She was told by Sharon that if I didn't eat I wasn't allowed into exercise class. Since I still feel nauseous from my headache, that meant no exercise for me today. Which to me also means that if I don't get a chance to burn any calories today, then no dinner for me tonight either. Holly put the sandwich in the cooler and left the soup on the dresser. I fed the soup to Oscar the Grouch but I'll let Holly throw the sandwich out when it goes rotten in the cooler. I went back to bed for a little while then got up to blog this. Holly's been having a good day though. She went on the intermediate hike, which seems to have turned into a little more of an advanced hike, and has/is doing all the classes. Oh, and I just took my blood sugar, and it's the best I've seen since I've started taking readings, an 86!

6:05PM: I soaked and read in the hot tub for a while then came back up to shower before dinner. Luckily Holly left for dinner before I got the dry heaves or she would have gotten even more worried and concerned about me. But i really think it's either a reaction to having low blood sugar or an accumulated allergic reaction to all the garlic or something else in the food. And I should have saved myself the effort of going down to dinner, except the itsy bitsy little desert was good. The main course was an attempt at a Mexican lasagna. Except the only resemblance to anything Mexican was some soggy tortillas mixed in with the other stuff. No spices or anything to give it any flavor. One bite was enough for me to declare it DOA. And having a huge stinking pile of broccoli next to it didn't help it's appeal any. So besides being hungry, having a headache and feeling nauseas, I also feel yucky because I didn't get to work out today. Blood sugar is 95.